I had never suspected that Santa might be a mere grammatical abstraction until today, when I read a notice displayed by an unusually knowledgeable shopkeeper advertising 'Santa Clause Figures'. I was too shocked to notice the price.
If Santa is a clause, seasonal festivities are imperilled, for he would only have to mislay his finite verb to become a mere phrase. I very much doubt whether Santa Phrase would be capable of negotiating those chimneys that remain, never mind about insinuating himself into the interstices of a central heating system.
The possibilities are most alarming. No wonder that The Powers That Be have conspired to conceal the truth. The expedient of just omitting one letter was brilliant psychology. Who thought of it?
I wonder if the Official Secrets Act has been broken. Will the anti-terrorist police be involved?
I fear I may already have said too much for my own good, so I shall say no more.
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